I Promised

For the past six years, June has been a difficult month for me. It is the month that my twin daughters Divya and Pilar were born. It is also the month they died and were buried. This June, my daughters would have been seven years old.

I recently shared with a friend a promise I made to my daughters which was key in my survival of their tragic death. I promised to honor them by living the best life I can.

When I say “live my best life”, I am not referring to material things, lavish experiences, or the shirking of everyday responsibilities. For me, living my best life is living an authentic life filled with love, growth, bravery, and service to others.

When a mother loses her child, it is very difficult for that mother to be kind to herself. There is so much guilt, doubt, and pain to sort through. It doesn’t matter if the child was her only child or her fifth, the pain feels insurmountable.

I have been asked how I managed to overcome the loss of my daughters. The truthful answer is I have not. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t think of them. Each and every day I have to push the sad, guilty, and painful thoughts from my head. I have to remind myself of the promise I made to them. And I have to choose to move forward, to live.

Moving forward is not about forgetting. My sister Khayriyyah always remembers their birthday and we celebrate their lives with two cupcakes and sometimes some tears. This June, I am also celebrating with new beginnings, quality time with old friends, and a refocused dedication to keeping my promise.

Divya means divine. Pilar means support. When my mother and I named my daughters, I had no idea that they would be my divine support. Seems backwards that the child gives so much to the parent. Nevertheless, I will not question such a blessing. #liveinlove #grateful #daughters #beginnings #life


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